Nazi
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Nazis are stupid
Nazi is an acronym that stands for "Haben Sie Gehort Das Deutsche Band," which is Latin for something about recycling your number 3 plastics. The Nazi party rose to power in Germany and started World War II, in order to save the human race from control by the weather. They are commonly referred to as the worst group of people to ever live on the Earth, with their leader, Adolf Hitler being the worst person to ever exist. However, the Guinness Book of World records states that the worst person to have ever lived is that lady with the long fingernails.
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Ze History of ze Nazi Party
The Nazi Party literally began as a party. It was the summer bash at the Blitz-Panzer-Heil (βσπ) fraternity at the University of Berlin. Sometime during the night the frat ran out of beer money and blamed their Jewish book keeper for the short sightedness. They proceeded to beat him with wooden paddles until he gave them money from his wallet to order another keg. This series of events seemed to work so well that the next day the leader of the fraternity, Adolf Hitler, gave a speech announcing that all the problems of the German University system were the fault of the Jews. This was well received because grades had just been released and all the students who failed could tell their parents "well it wasn't my fault because there was a Jew in my class." Hitler won his bid to be the Student Body President, and would later just keep increasing the scale of the alleged Jewish scourge, until he was speaking in front of the whole country and blaming all of the country's problems on the Jews as the leader of Germany.
Ignoring ze World
The Germans were told they weren't allowed to have any tanks and boats because last time they did they started a world war. It was the biggest collective "this is why we can't have nice things" ever slapped down from an authority figure. Hitler ignored this and built up Germany's military. The British and the French, representing the mother figure, didn't know what to do, and could only respond with "Well, you wait until your father gets home!" Unfortunately, the United States was still at work trying to finish up its report on the dust-bowl and Great Depression, and was not due home for several hours.
Ze Start of ze War!
Germany, now cocky that they were all grown up and could get away with anything, beat the crap out of their brother Austria. Britain and France withheld dessert, but Germany was determined to take this as far as they could. They next beat up the nerdy neighborhood kid Poland, and after this Britain and France proceeded to try and drag Germany by its ear back into the house where it could be spanked. However, Germany threw down the guantlet and revealed that it was a black belt in ass-kickery, and blitzkrieged the fuck out of France. France was so confused and hurt by her figurative son's backlash that she just laid on the floor of the kitchen crying, nursing her black eye with a piece of steak. Britain was locked in the broom closet while Germany was free to run around the neighborhood causing all sorts of trouble.
Ze End of ze Nazi Party a la ze American Pig Dogs
After a while, some shit happened and America was done with his report, and ready to head home for the weekend. When he got home, he saw it was a mess. One of his wives lay crying on the floor, the other was screaming from inside the closet. There were pictures knocked off the wall, the couch was torn, and I'm pretty sure that was a pile of shit on the kitchen table. America took off his belt and did that snapping thing, and went to go find that son of his and teach it a lesson. After a bunch of hide and seek, America finally cornered Germany and was about to deliver a life lesson when a big Russian neighbor came out, saw what Germany had done to his car, and lit Hitler on fire.
The war was over.
Ze Aftermath
Germany was punished for a very long time, but they have now grown up to be a fine well-balanced adult country. They have a few freaky fetishes, but that's done only in the privacy of their bedroom. Now they get along great with America and Britain and France, but still aren't too fond of Russia because of all the burn marks.
Ze Swastika
The Swastika is the symbol of the Nazi Party. It was first created by Christians during the Roman years to help identify each other. One Christian would draw an L in the sand, and three others would also draw Ls. This was deemed too inefficient as it needed four Christians to complete, so they switched to the Jesus Fish a short while later. However, Germany liked this symbol and made it their official symbol. The red flag with the white circle and the black swastika came to be fear by all who saw it, and even by some blind people. After the Nuremberg trials, it was ruled that all Swastika flags must carry the additional symbol of the flaccid penis, as all Nazis are impotent jerks who couldn't fuck a woman to save their life.
Ze Killingz of ze Jews
After the war, many camps were found containing a large number of Jews. These weren't fun camps where you make beads and sing campfire songs, they were camps of death and torture and occasionally making rugs with dead Jew hair. The genocide of the Jews did not sit well with the rest of the world, and thus their much hated status in modern times. This event is referred to as the Holocaust, which some idiots deny ever happened. About 6 million Jews were killed in total, but all of the Jews bitch about it still to this day.
Famous Memberz of ze Nazi Party
Adolf Hitler
Hitler was the leader and lead singer of the Nazis. He would dazzle audiences with his meaningful lyrics and classically trained set of pipes. He could get the masses to do anything through his suggestive songs, and this is how Germany got involved in the war. Hitler maintained that his songs were just a hypothetical allegory, but that his listeners took it literally. His book Mein Kampf was supposed to be a black satire, but was instead interpreted as literal, or so he claimed.
Erwin Rommel
Rommel was the bassist and lead ladies man. He was known as the "Desert Fox" because of his sand colored tan body and his charming good looks. He was mainly in to black chicks, and would seem to come out of nowhere and bed a woman before she even realized what was happening. However, it was not rape, because they post-coitally consented to the sex upon learning who he was.
Joseph Goebbels
The drummer and self-proclaimed "doctor," was in charge of propaganda/advertising. He was also one of the main Germans to hate on the Jews and would constantly use his position of power to say mean things and get all of the other Germans in trouble.
Hermann Göring
Goring was the lead guitarist and also in charge of the German Airforce. He invented the brilliant strategy of "don't waste time sitting in trenches and actually attack the enemy," also known as "blitzkrieg."
Heinrich Himmler
Himmler was the body guard for Hitler and ze Germans. He was in charge of the SS, which was a group of bad asses kind of like the Hells Angels that went around stabbing people for no reason. He was put in charge of holocausting the Jews. Because of a wedgie given to him in his younger years by a older Jewish boy, he took this job with pleasure, and did very well.
Ze Band
Together Hitler and ze Germans only released one album: The Third Riech. It sold very well for a few years, but after claims that listening to it backwards spread anti-semetic messages, and also that they were horrible evil people, listeners began to drop off substantially. Today the only people who still enjoy The Third Riech are called Neo-Nazis, because like whoa, they are fucking retarded.
