Suicide
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Suicide is stupid.
Suicide is one of the tools that internet attention whores employ to demonstrate that people should pay attention to them. This is done by engaging a dozen or so message boards (social networking websites, blogs, chatrooms) to loudly discuss with anyone around the most effective means of taking your own life while having absolutely no intention of doing any such thing.
When you suggest that these people climb to the top of a tall building and jump off, they will insist that, like Superman, they would in all likelihood survive such an act, and they really don't want to make a mess anyway. When you suggest that they drink a tall glass of bleach, they admit they want their death to be painless. When you suggest that they drink a two liter of vodka and down a dozen Tylenol, they insist that they do that every night already anyway and it would have no effect upon them. In short, there is no reasonable suggestion that you could offer to them in order to facilitate their leaving this world (which you know would only make it a better place, hence your willingness to help) that they cannot come up with a ridiculous excuse for why they won't do it that way.
This conversation tends to go on for a few days until they disappear, mysteriously, suggesting that they may actually have gone off and done it. Do not be fooled. They will inevitably return using a different alias.
Suicide is very popular with teenagers.
Failure is not an option
Some people try to commit suicide and fail. Seriously, as if their lives didn't have enough failure in them, they can't even get this right. One final act to end the pain and they fucked it all up and most likely got themselves some more delicious pain.
That jump from the four story building might not kill you. Sure you'll have shattered femurs and a spine made of Jello but that hardly solved your problems. You'll never get yourself over the railing in that wheelchair now.
Do it right the first time. Get yourself a gun. Aim at your head and go to work. If the first shot doesn't get the job done: wash, rinse, repeat.
Go Postal
For the win, go Postal. Just shout: "I regret nothing!" and shove a grenade in your mouth. Don't be afraid to take a few people with you. Who knows? They may believe in a slightly different version of your Magic Book and you'll be doing your God a favor. Does everyone who kills themselves get 72 virgins in paradise? Hop in a plane and find out! The point is, if you're thinking about it, think big. Thinking small is probably how you got here in the first place. That, and if you have a small penis, suicide is definately the answer you're looking for.
